I know that the past no longer matters.
I understand that somehow,
It shaped you to be the man you are right now.
Yet I can’t help but think that,
Was I finally the one chosen,
Or was I only chosen because I was the only option left?
I know that you’ll never yearn for me,
The same way you did for her.
Because I am just a duplicate of the past,
Fooling your delusions that it is still the same.
That I am still her.
At first, I didn’t care to bother.
I didn’t mind the visible similarities,
Because maybe you just have your type.
Both with long hair.
We both had pink as our favorite color.
We both were our class’ favorite.
But I saw the difference in your laughter,
While you’re texting her behind my back.
I saw her account hidden in the archives,
Like you’re forming a moment of secrecy.
And when I caught you,
Not even a reassurance was given,
Just a simple “sorry.”
I saw how you get to bond with her normally,
Like she didn’t treat you so badly.
I saw how your eyes light up,
Every time you talk to her.
How can you link with her behind my back,
While you talk shits of her in front of me?
When you look at me eye-to-eye,
Does my presence even matter,
Or do you just see the reflection of her?
When you finally lend me your sweater,
Do you still see me or is it her that you see?
I may say that “it’s okay” when it truly isn’t.
As I am afraid that it’ll turn into an argument,
Not solace.
Not certainty.
I don’t exactly remember how often I stalked her at night.
Tears continuously streamed down my cheeks,
While I checked her profile with shaking hands.
I hated the silence every night.
As the night falls quiet,
It is my thoughts that get foggy.
Filled with constant darkness,
Of my self-comparison to her.
Because no matter how much more beautiful,
Or smarter I am,
It’ll always be her.
It is her that your heart speaks for.
And so, I know that I'll never be able to compete.
No amount of love will even matter.
No amount of effort will even equate to hers.
Because how can I replace something embedded in your soul already?
Written by Matilde Grace Vibar, Insight PH
Matilde Grace Vibar, Insight PH is a dedicated campus journalist and contributor. Their insightful writing sparks meaningful conversations and keeps the community informed.
