When you are young, they assume you know nothing. But I'm the eldest daughter in a Filipino household; I already had to know everything. At a young age, I had to understand that I was the family's hope, the one who would put my younger siblings through school and serve as a role model for them. I never even got to experience being a child who receives their parents' full love, because I was always the last—the oldest child. So when love comes their way, they always push it away.
According to Maro B. Enriquez, almost all Filipino “ate’s” struggling with “eldest daughter syndrome,” as it’s been termed on social media. In a typical Filipino family household, there's always pressure on the eldest child to be perfect. Even if the parents don't say it outright, they can feel it. It's a pressure that not everyone can understand. And the moment you make a mistake, everything falls apart. In an instant, you become your family's disappointment because they thought you were great, that you could do anything—that you were perfect.
Every time, the eldest child has to give in so the youngest can get what they want. But it's okay, it's always okay, and they have gotten used to it. But why do they always have to be the best to feel their love? Their worth is measured by their excellence. So in everything, they are not allowed to give up or be weak. Whenever there's a problem or conflict within the family, they're the ones who have to fix it. They always carry their younger siblings and their parents on their backs. But the question here is that when they need someone to lean with, who can they lean on? No one.
It's not that they don't want to ask others for help; they just don't want to appear weak because they've been strong for so long. If there's one thing they fear, it's the future. What if they won't be the family's hope? What if they don't become who they want to be? There are so many “what ifs” that if you could just get inside an oldest child's mind, you wouldn't be able to handle it. Even if they want to break free from all expectations, as long as they're the eldest child, they can never escape them. Even when they have their own families, they're still everyone's ate o kuya.
But on the other hand, they always say that being the family's hope is a blessing. But for the oldest child in a Filipino household, it's a curse they can never escape. It will consume them whole, until there's nothing left for themselves. And in every household, this cycle will no longer be broken. It will repeat over and over until it becomes a tradition that can no longer be changed.
I hope a miracle happens someday so they no longer have to be perfect all the time to feel loved and worthy. Parents will also need to understand that just because they were born first, they don't have to be the hope or the second parent of their younger siblings. They're still children who need their parents' full care, but they grew up too soon because of everyone's piled-on expectations. They became older even at a young age because of the responsibilities they carried on their backs, back then and even to this day.
Written by Jesica F. Laboc (Soulara), Insight PH
Jesica F. Laboc (Soulara), Insight PH is a dedicated campus journalist and contributor. Their insightful writing sparks meaningful conversations and keeps the community informed.
