Our generation has long been dealing with generational trauma, as we are more misunderstood—we understand the serious implications of these traumas passed down to us by previous generations. But we are hoping... always that in us, it would all stop.
It all starts with our grandparents and parents carrying an invisible luggage of fixated emotions often coming from immense pressure and suppressed feelings as expressing emotions can be a sign of weakness during their time. In the mid-20th century, parenting focused on "behaviorism"—the idea that children should be controlled and disciplined to prepare them for a harsh, competitive world which clearly explains their violent parenting style mistaken as their children’s preparation towards the world's reality. Meanwhile, what they lacked is the ability to recognize their emotions and just setting them aside leading to it being buried down their DNA and passed through their next generation. As Science suggests, extreme stress can leave "chemical tags" on a person’s DNA. These tags don't change the DNA sequence itself, but they change how genes are "expressed" or turned on/off.
We cannot blame them—they lived in harsh environments where societal norms greatly influence their lives. War, economic scarcity, and norms have triggered their survival mechanisms—whereas, suppressing emotions, perfectionism, and toughing it out have become their necessity to avoid society's harsh judgements. That's why our parents are pressuring us because they were pressured too, which is a result of the survival mechanisms turned maladaptive traits they passed down to their children. Yet, through all of that—we still respect them, their struggles just to survive—but they don't have to pass their mistakes and traumas to us. It doesn't mean that if they experienced it, we should too.
Notice how Gen Z parents have happy families? It's because they gave importance and paid attention to their mental health which helped break the chains of generational traumas that allowed their child to enjoy their younger years. Whereas, previous generations entered familyhood without even acknowledging their emotions and struggles. We must take into consideration that one's mental health is also as important as physical health because stabilizing one's own emotions also means creating a happy family where traumas won't foster. We have traded the 'keep calm and carry on' mantra for a more precise toolkit. Words like boundaries, triggers, and gaslighting aren’t just internet slang; they are the surgical instruments we are using to dissect and understand the behaviors that used to be invisible and living in the shadows forever won't shield you from the bitter moments of the past but will slowly eat you alive.
In some families, there is always someone who tries to break the chain, often referred to as the ‘black sheep.’ Many parents consider those who want to heal as disrespectful or disruptors of family order. As the Family Systems Theory suggests, families function like a mobile; if one piece moves (starts healing), the whole structure shakes. This explains why "cycle breakers" often face backlash from their families. This is also why some resort to violent parenting because they believe that their principles shaped by their traumas are being violated as it is left unacknowledged. Their unreadiness to change takes a serious toll on the child who wants to break the poison intoxicating them for so long. They are sometimes misunderstood and some leave their families just to escape the toxicity. It is never an act of rebellion but only our way to protect and nourish the upcoming generations.
Breaking a chain is never an easy journey. Being the generation who does all the work to prevent the spread of the generational trauma is exhausting yet also a privilege because you sacrifice your emotions just to give way for the future humanity. The chain doesn't just break, it is replaced by a bridge. It's all fine if we have to give up all we have just to make sure that in us, it all stops.
Written by via Nawaf M. Abdullah Salam, Insight PH
via Nawaf M. Abdullah Salam, Insight PH is a dedicated campus journalist and contributor. Their insightful writing sparks meaningful conversations and keeps the community informed.
